Solving Relationship Problems with Vivation® |
| Most of the problems we have in personal relationships stem from blaming the other party for the feelings we are experiencing. 'You made me angry (jealous, sad, upset, hurt, etc)' or 'It's your fault that I feel like this because you (fill in your own reason).' While placing such blame may seem to be perfectly justified, it rarely is. In many cases we will find, on closer examination, that our uncomfortable feelings have their root in the past, not the present. Perhaps the jealous husband was ignored by his mother. Maybe the angry woman has never forgiven a man in her youth. Whatever the reason, blaming our partners, friends or associates for the feelings we have locks us into patterns of attack and defense. Nobody likes to be told that they're responsible for another person's displeasure. Perhaps more destructively, when we make the other person responsible for our feelings, we become helpless victims of their whims. In effect, we render ourselves powerless. In any event, by placing responsibility for our painful emotions onto other people, we are attempting to distance ourselves from something we do not want to feel. This is why, when blaming others for our feelings, anger is nearly always attendant. If we can make the other person responsible for our sense of rejection and then get angry with them, we won't have to feel the rejection. Unfortunately, avoiding feelings tends only to perpetuate them. Moreover, we cannot heal anything until we feel it in detail. By taking responisbility for our own feelings, we empower ourselves to move towards healing. This might seem easier said than done. It can be very challenging to accept responsibility for feelings of intense jealousy, or rage, particularly when the other person seems to be exciting that emotion. But if we can find a way to become comfortable with the activated emotion, we can integrate and resolve it. And if we can do that, we will never be troubled again by the behaviour that at first seemed to cause the feeling. Whether the other person stops doing what was upsetting us or not, we can find peace and power in ourselves. The power to resolve our emotions offers us much more happiness than the power to control the other person's behaviour, a practice that in any case will always backfire on us. Vivation is an effective technique for getting comfortable with all our emotions, which will inevitably improve our relationships. It is a safe and pleasurable way to integrate intense jealousy, rage, fear, sadness and pain, while reclaiming our personal power in the process. As well as making you more loving, Vivation will help you to acknowledge problems you have with people while the problems are still subtle. As a result, all your relationships with everyone with improve dramatically. You can learn Vivation in groups or privately, singly or as couples. You can arrange private tuition by appointment (to find a Vivation Professional, click on 'contact' at the bottom of the page). Learning the process of Vivation will give you the ability to: - integrate all emotions into pleasure,
gratitude and enthusiasm Jim Leonard created the Vivation process in California in 1979. After investigating numerous personal growth methods, he developed the means for causing integration and therefore emotional resolution at will. One way to describe Vivation is to say that it is the act of cultivating our willingness to feel all our feelings honestly and accept the gift of energy each one has for us. It is the skill of happiness and the art of integration. It is finding the pleasure within the pain, and making peace with all of our feelings. Because Vivation works entirely at the feeling level, it has no religious or psychological counterpart. This means it works just as well for Christians, Muslims, Hindus and Buddhists as it does for atheists. Whoever or whatever you are, Vivation will increase your enthusiasm, your courage and your self-esteem. It will expand your sense of well-being and increase the energy flow in your body, thus enhancing your ability to enjoy every aspect of your life. Vivation will significantly decrease your stress. In fact, it will eliminate your stress so effectively that your stress will never come back. Apart from being an excellent way to reduce the perceived need for caffeine and other stimulants that contribute to stress, Vivation resolves the conflicts that cause the tensions in your body. Although Vivation is a single skill, it has five component parts. When all five components are present, integration occurs in every case. There is no feeling - emotional or sensational - that will not integrate with the focused application of the Five Elements. These same skills integrate the feeling of having drunk too much coffee in just the same way that they integrate the grief of losing someone. They will resolve anger and frustration as effectively as they will resolve a headache. The Five Elements of Vivation are: The First Element, ‘Circular Breathing’, means breathing in a way that enhances the energetic connections within our bodies. Circular Breathing re-energizes the patterns of energy that have been suppressed, making them stand out enough for us to experience them in detail. Skilful use of this element makes it possible for us to develop an energy-level rapport with such suppressed patterns of energy. Thus it becomes easier both for us to focus on them and to relate to them in a more positive way. The Second Element is ‘Complete Relaxation’. Since integration is always a relaxation, this element supports the resolution of all suppressed feelings. As we relax, we cease to fight, and thus the resistance that has kept the feeling from our awareness is removed. ‘Awareness in Detail’ forms the Third Element of Vivation, and is in many ways the essence of the process. Even when the other elements become automatic, as they will do with practice, our focus remains on exploring the details of our feelings. In order to integrate anything, we must first be aware of it. In fact, the only way to integrate something thoroughly is by being aware of it at the feeling level. The Fourth Element is ‘Integration into Ecstasy’. This means changing the context in which we hold the feeling. If we can embrace the possibility that there may be something good in what we have previously made wrong, or realize that what we're feeling is not infinitely bad, this is sufficient to cause integration. ‘Do Whatever You Do - Willingness is Enough’ is the Fifth Element. As its title suggests, this is about developing an enthusiastic readiness to feel and integrate our feelings. Instead of focusing on the process, it's about concentrating on the sensations in our bodies instead. The fact is we need neither special circumstances nor any particular procedure to integrate something. We cannot do this wrong. If we are willing to integrate, that willingness is all we need. More importantly, if we know it is all we need we will integrate our feelings more easily. Each of the Five Elements represents an individual skill. All of us already possess some ability in each of these areas. For example, we can all breathe, and to some extent or another we can all relax. But as with any skill, our facility with all of the elements can be developed with practice. Vivation can only be learned experientially. Each element comprises a substantial body of knowledge but the knowledge needs to be internalised in order to practise Vivation with consistent success. This is because everything in Vivation happens at the feeling level. We can talk endlessly about feelings but all such talk is an intellectual exercise. There is no substitute for experiencing feelings at the level at which they occur, and it is only in this realm where they can be properly integrated. For more information, click on the links. Develop Self esteem * Private Tuition Managing Difficult Feelings * What Vivation is Home * Testimonials * Eliminate Stress Contact * Links |